musings on mortality.

So I guess I should say something here. I finally got a job! I mean, it’s definitely like, entry level started from the bottom now we he-uh status but it’s a job and I’m excited to be getting paid again. I was supposed to start last Monday but they pushed it back a week so I can’t really comment on that yet. But it should be good. A whole new adventure of sorts. Anyway my parents have been in Africa for 4 days now. It’s weird being in this big house all by myself. I’ve been keeping busy though but I’ve had a lot of time to think. I started freaking out today because it randomly hit me that I’m going to die someday. I know, what a big revelation (duh) but really. Like there’s going to be one day where I die. I will wake up that morning and not go to bed that night. That really freaked me out. I had a panic attack and couldn’t breathe thinking about it. So basically I almost killed myself thinking about me dying. I know it’s ridiculous but I wonder if I’ll ever accept that fact. I hope there comes a point in my life where I feel like I’ve fulfilled enough, done enough of the things I’ve wanted to, or at least just get to a moment of complacency to accept that death will happen and it won’t be something I regret. Sure, there’s no way I could do absolutely everything I wanted to do in my life. I most likely will never end up watching True Blood since I’ve gone this long without taking the plunge into it but I hope I’ll be okay with it. Although I guess I don’t really have a say or will know what I think about my own death. And maybe that’s the scariest part. It all just ends one day and that’s it.

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